I also wanted to tell you what I’ve decided to do about my habit

The past 6 years I have stopped taking adderall only to start again. I thought I could run through the process of school work with my speed instead of walking to class everyday.

At first, it was great, and I got A’s in school; now I’m flunking out because I stopped going to class because I took so much that I was physically exhausted and https://installmentloansindiana.org/cities/warsaw/ weak and very paranoid about the way I look

I’m not hopped up anymore on it; I haven’t taken a pill in a week and a day; so I feel like I cannot describe it as thouroghly (sp – I know) as I once could; give me a few months and maybe I’ll explain it better. Like Mike.

I hope this comment isn’t super lame or that it isn’t too poorly written or that it sounds too much like I’ve got it as figured out as Mike

Regardless – this is what I’m doing; I started going to AA/NA. I can’t get out of bed in the morning because I’m so tired; but I do make a point to get out for an hour and go to one of these meetings. 90 meetings in 90 days. It sounds like a lot of people get through this addiction without going to these groups and I’m incredibly jealous of their strength; but I am a weak person and don’t have a good support system where I am. So far, AA and NA people have been so open to me and while a lot of their stories don’t exactly coincide with mine, the pain behind their stories does, as does the advice they give. Sometimes, I feel really lame because these people have been to jail, lost partners, and kids and houses and etc… and I’m just a little pill popper. But at one meeting, someone said that you don’t have to do awful things to go to AA – they knew a woman in AA who never drank outside her kitchen but she knew she had a problem with addiction. Tonight at a meeting someone talked about how they were trying to run through life instead of walk through life and I totally related to that. When I think about never doing adderall again, I get mad anxiety; someone at a meeting said this as well (only about drinking) and their sponser said ‘that’s ok. just try not to do it today.’ and again that completely resonated with me. These people have what I want: a clear head; courage; serenity; breathing room; balance; support; reality. And that serenity prayer; I have no clue what “God” is but I find peace in just reminding myself : Cassie/”God”/Creator, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I know some people diss AA and call it “cultish” but the truth is humans are a tribal species. I have tried so many times to stop taking this drug by myself and it never worked for me; for once (and granted it’s only been a week and a day) I feel like I have some support. I have not been able to quit by myself (some can obviously – I cannot, I always fail at this). I need some help; more than just anti-depressants and therapists and this brilliant website. I need something and some people to remind me every day not to call my doctor and manipulate her to give me more of a drug that is ruining/controlling my life.

I just wanted to tell you the step I’ve decided to take this time and tell you I’m starting, ever so slowly, to feel a little better because I’ve met some people to talk to or go get coffee with when really I want to call my doctor for a re-fill.