He told me that he needed some time to tell me

He explained that he loved me as a female and only wants to be with me, that he’s not attracted to men but is attracted to MTF’s who still have their original part, and that he wants to put a dress on and have me use toys on him

Two nights ago I was looking for a mutual friend on my boyfriend’s instagram account and much to my surprise (almost horror at the time) I found that half of the people that he was following were pre-op transsexuals.

I jumped to the worst conclusions (that he was gay, that he wanted to be with pre or post-op MTFs and that he was only with me to hide this fact.) So, crying, I confronted him. I tried my best to not ask questions as we cuddled on the couch the whole day, my mind was running wild and I was hurting so badly. So I paused the movie and asked him to tell me because I felt I needed to know.

He then told me that he had a fetish for transsexuals and that before me he had been with a few of them. He also told me that he wished he had been born as a female.

So after staying silent for a few minutes, I asked him a few questions, not wanting to hurt him or overstep any boundaries. He then told me that he’s quite vain and knows that with his big build that he would make an “ugly woman” and that it is too late for him to have any surgeries. It was at that moment that I broke down, my amazingly handsome boyfriend thinks he isn’t good enough in his own skin and that he can’t take the steps to become comfortable because he’s afraid of being ugly.

I love him with all of my heart. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I’m more than comfortable spicing up the sex life and doing things that he’ll enjoy. But I’m scared that eventually he’ll decide to transition and then tell me that I’m not what he/she wants anymore, I’m even more scared that if he does transition that I won’t be able to handle being with a woman.

He’s at work and I haven’t left our bed yet. I’m hurting for him that he’s held on to all of this for 23 years without telling anyone. I’m scared that this will change our relationship. I’m terrified of him leaving me for a transgender. I’m worried that I won’t be able to deal with all of these changes if they do come.

As soon as he told me I knew that I would always be there to support him with any decisions he made

Let them know they can’t have it both ways. I have been married for nearly 26 years and never suspected anything. Our marriage had been extremely great until about 2 years ago when he started getting stressed out and blaming it on the workload. But now i know it was because of the secret he kept from me our entire married life and had started cross dressing again when no one was around.Then 1 month ago he handed me a hand written letter outlining that he believes he is transgender and thinks he wants to live as a female full time. The day he told me i said i can not be your wife and support this but i will try as your friend. (Of course this was after i called him a lying SOB and many other things in anger and started packing my bags to leave) I have 3 sons 2 still live at home. He is in counselling. We live in a small country town and because of him we are now moving to the city. I am going to continue to live under the same roof so my sons have time to adjust and finish school. But i have told him outright that if i meet someone i will pursue it even in front of him. Those persons who say they’re partners are the same person are hugely mistaken. I married a man that was strong and purposeful, played Rugby Union, went camping in the scrub on his own etc. This new person i don’t know at all i have just met her, she is demure, vain and cliche. Maybe one day we may become friends but for now they are a stranger and that means she will have to earn my friendship just like anyone else.. She acts like a fifteen year old teenager prancing around in 5 inch heels and skimpy mini skirts. She is 53 the whole picture is wrong to me.So i agree with the person who said do what you need for yourself. We deserve to be happy too and that includes intimacy. Let him go. Its not easy i still cry daily as i grieve the loss of my husband. Yes as she takes over, my husband is dying.The man i loved is disappearing and I do not love her.